I see posts on Reddit all the time where people, usually romantic partners, have snooped through somebody’s phone/Facebook/DMs to discover bad behavior. This leads to an inevitable crush of people on Reddit telling OP that they need to leave that person and find somebody who will treat them better. OP almost always says that they’re normally not the type of person who would snoop, but something about their particular circumstances justifies the behavior.

Most of the time, I find myself agreeing with the mob that the evidence uncovered highlights reasons why the relationship is doomed. What’s not common enough, though, are people calling out the OP for something that is not only unethical/immoral, but should be illegal. If you discovered a partner’s affair by opening their paper credit card statement, that act (as I understand it) could be criminal. Why should logging in to their phone and snooping through their apps be any different? If you have questions and want to see your partner’s credit card statement/DMs/text messages for verification, ask your partner. If they refuse, consider what that says and make a decision based on your comfort level.

It may not seem like it, but I say this as somebody who’s never personally been affected by this situation. I’m married and my wife and I have given each other explicit permission to look through our devices/accounts if we want. I don’t look through her stuff, and I don’t think she looks through mine, though I don’t care enough to check. It’s just behavior I find controlling, abusive, and boundary-crossing.


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