(just happened) Ok, so I’m a kinky guy, and I’m into kinky things. So I’ve been being submissive to my wife for a couple weeks. I’m into lots of odd things, including forced intoxication. So I’ve been drinking whenever she tells me to all night, so I’m drunk as shit. She tells me to find some zipties, some lube, and the strapon. “Yes!” I think, as I assemble everything and lay in bed.
She comes in, and we start fondling each other, and everything is amazing. I get on all fours on the bed as she secures a rather large purple strapon around her waist. She spreads my ass and “BLLAARTVJGKOOJ” a giant fart that I had no control over pushes it’s way out of my ass, directly into her face.
My partner of 8 years promptly exits the room and vomits into the toilet and says “I’m so sorry… I just can’t. I can’t do anything”. I asked her to turn off the lights and leave, and here I am, naked on the bed, legs spread, confiding in the internet. FML.

TL;DR: I farted in my wife’s face as she was about to peg me for the first time, she vomited, I want to die.

Edit: Holy crap everyone, thanks for all the awards! I just woke up and am very hungover. I feel obliged to say that drinking too much can be dangerous, know your limits!

Edit#2: We didn’t end up using the zipties, and you should listen to all the good Redditors below telling you not to.


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